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I thought I would be okay but my hearts breaking and your the only name that pops in my head :/ but it’s prb not the same for you…

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New year. New start.

New year. New start.

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Daww :3  my puppy using pat as a pillow :)

Daww :3 

my puppy using pat as a pillow :)

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(Source: bliszful, via hipsterwhoresandhotboys)

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Here to another night of

crying myself to sleep :/

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:’(

At this point she would rather go out and get drunk with all of her friends and stay busy every day than so much as talk to her boyfriend. Or even call/txt her boyfriend goodnight!… If I even am that anymore. At least I can say I’m finally done. I’m done being your little toy. I’m done begging, kicking and screaming for what I thought was the love of my life, the best thing I ever had.. Then something clicked.. That person would NEVER make me beg for 4 days on end, right up to Christmas just for her to stay with me, while all the while she parties, has fun and ignores my calls and texts. You may think it isnt cold or cruel but it is. You don’t just say to someone “gimme a few days so I can decide if I wanna leave you or not”. If you did love me, which now I am doubting, you would’ve found it in your heart to forgive me for that one little fight/mistake and we would’ve moved on happy before any of this shit escalated.

I mean, could it be possible I am just a product of my environment? That how sweet, kind and caring I once was has been lost because such a high level of those things started to be DEMANDED of me and when I couldn’t deliver well enough your temper is lost and all hell breaks loose. At whichpoint I have absolutely zero influence over you or calming you down. A man can only be pushed over shit, into shit, slapped across the face, insulted, taunted and lied to so many times before he begins to change. Before he begins to grow tired of what he is going through. This did happen to me. But fucking A, I still tried for her. I still tried to grit my teeth and push through her temper outbursts, no matter how badly they brought me to other horrible memories. I did everything I could to just push through, made a great plan for her next semester and she still needs to ‘think’.

Well I’m doing being the lab rat. I’m done with what I want and how I feel being ignored, cuz believe it or not- I’ve been trying to focus on what you want this entire relationship. And the only thing I couldn’t deliver on was getting you out and drunk every weekend or two. Obviously this led to other problems like us being stuck in a room together for a whiiiiiile. Well I’m sorry. For the past 4 days I really have wanted you ba k in my life, to treasure and hold on top of the world. But after all the time I HAVE HAD to think… I don’t fucking care anymore. I need to stop hurting myself for someone who is only hurting me right now.

Deven,

  • You were never my toy. 
  • You were never a lab rat. 
  • I can’t believe you would think I would be that type of person. I thought you knew me better than that. 
  • Its nice to know what you really think of me :/ 
  • Your heart isn’t the only one hurting and this is what you have to say about me and our relationship. I am done with you making me feel like shit. Im done crying myself to sleep or not sleeping because of this. I didn’t want this to turn into a five day fight but you refuse to understand what I am feeling at the moment. You refuse to see that I wasn’t ignoring you, lying to you. I was being honest. 
  • You meant the world to me……. Im sorry if i didn’t show it the way you wanted to but you hurt me really bad. You had one chance and this happened :(

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Lung Full of Pure Inspiration: People don’t just wait as long as you want them to while you do...

morphinejester:

People don’t just wait as long as you want them to while you do whatever you want. The world doesn’t work that way. Sorry buddy. I gave you a million chances to say yes and I got no ever. Single. Time. So don’t put this on me, because your the one that let a 3 hour mistake turn into a fucking 5…

Its been an extremely rough break. You didn’t believe me when I told you my phone died and insisted that I was lying to you. This three hour fight scared the shit out of me, which is what YOU are understanding. You showed me that you can be controlling, just like last summer. I am sorry I ran. I am sorry I didn’t speak to you for a while. I understand what your going through. I understand how it hurts and once again I apologize but you need to put yourself in my shoes. You havent done that since this summer. You haven’t done anything sweet for me since this summer. You haven’t made me feel special. But this makes me high maintenance! I am sorry that I am a hopeless romantic. It doesn’t have to be all the time but just let me know you care. But all I wanted was a couple days with my friends but you couldn’t handle me having some space… I just wanted to get away from all the drama to clear my head to make the right choice. Instead you took it into your hands and broke up with me. On wednesday, i told you I loved you. Thursday, I had my family christmas party and a celebration party for my dad. Friday you left me. You couldn’t wait three days. Your family might think what I am doing is cold but I really don’t care.. Yes, all my friends hate you, take that as a sign… YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG! I am sorry that I am not going not hang out with my friends bc they don’t like you. Instead of getting mad because I was busy you should have cared about what I was going through. I was going through just as much heartache as you, but you didn’t notice / care. You just wanted me back. You tell me your going to change all the time but I can’t believe that anymore. Throughout the week you have called me cruel, cold, ungrateful, selfish, high maintenance and not the girl you wanted to be with. When all I did was try to have some fun. Yes, i was thinking about leaving but if you would have showed me that you cared a little more instead of convincing me to be with you maybe we would be in this position. Remember that your not the only one hurting…. your not the only that got there heart broken. 

Goodnight 

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